Beer:Diaper :: Gym:?

People have expressed different emotions, from feline-like disinterest to canine-like delight, after I told them that I had joined a gym. What was constant though was the friendly question - “Oh! You are getting married?!”

Initially when I was young, I would just smile sheepishly and say no. But as I grew not so young the negativity of my monosyllabic response only succeeded in changing their “A ha! I have got your secret” look to “This guy is definitely getting married! But why is he not telling us. Pricy bastard!” look.

Infact I have heard this question so many times that it reminds me of the famous “Beer and Diapers” concept, except that the “Gym and Marriage” concept is not untrue.

After being at the receiving end of thousand such polite enquiries, I decided - Enough is Enough is enough. More than enough. Enough of enough.

I planned to have revenge – cold, hard and calculating. My day of redemption in the gym came soon - when I saw a more- than-healthy-person burning something on a treadmill. By the combined look of ferocity, determination and the hint of guilt, I attributed his hectic activity on the treadmill to the unnecessary ‘Death By Chocolate’ consumed the day before.

As I approached my target, my mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. I was already dizzy in the vengeful anticipation of the lost and confused look on my prey’s face. If I was lucky, I said to myself, I could also see my victim grimace. I quickly made my way towards the burning treadmill and said as genuinely as I could - “”Hearty congratulations on your marriage buddy. When is the date?” What followed was exactly as I had expected - that lost, confused look, the painful grimace….the only unexpected thing was that it was me whose face had convoluted.

The victim was smiling sheepishly as he said “06th June 2006”.
Before he could answer irrelevant details like "Who, What, How, When" etc., I muttered the perfunctory congrats and went back to my routine.